How Our Choices Reflect Our Past Trauma: Trail Marker #44

In the journey of life, our choices are like brushstrokes on the canvas of our existence. Each decision, whether big or small, shapes the course of our lives. But have you ever stopped to consider how our past trauma influences the choices we make today, especially in our relationships?

As a trauma-informed life coach, I've walked alongside many women, for over 20 years, who have faced unimaginable adversities. From abuse to loss, these experiences can leave deep wounds that impact every aspect of life, including decision-making. But as we navigate through the complexities of trauma, we can find hope and healing through the lens of faith.

Understanding the Impact of Trauma

Trauma has a way of imprinting itself on our hearts and minds. It can distort our perceptions, distort our self-worth, and even distort our view of God. When we've been hurt in the past, it's natural to develop coping mechanisms to protect ourselves from further pain. These coping mechanisms often manifest in our behavior and influence the choices we make. Those of us who experience trauma can have trouble regulating emotions, such as anger, sadness, anxiety, and shame.

If we are experiencing a trigger, we may make unwise decisions to escape the situation. These can include some of the following responses:

• Fight – Struggling or lashing out to escape a scenario which they perceive as dangerous.

• Flight – Running or hiding to get away from a situation.

• Flop – Doing what you are told without protest to get through a problem.

• Fawn – Attempting to please someone who is harming you.

• Freeze – Being unable to move or do anything.

For example, I have experienced betrayal in past relationships which led to me struggling to trust others, leading to patterns of avoidance. My response to most situations is to freeze. By detaching from the person or situation leads to not making decisions to keep me safe. Perhaps you have made the same choices. There are many women who have endured emotional abuse and may find themselves drawn to partners who replicate familiar patterns of manipulation and control.

The Role of Faith in Healing

In moments of darkness, it's easy to feel alone and abandoned. But as Christian women, we have the assurance that God is with us every step of the way. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Our faith provides a foundation of strength and comfort as we confront the wounds of our past.

Through prayer and reflection on Scripture, we can begin to unravel the tangled threads of trauma that have woven themselves into our lives. Romans 8:28 assures us that "God works all things together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Even our pain and suffering can be redeemed for a greater purpose.

Breaking Free from Destructive Patterns

Recovery from trauma is not a linear journey. It's filled with ups and downs, breakthroughs and setbacks. But as we commit to the process of healing, we can begin to untangle ourselves from the grip of past trauma and reclaim our power to make healthy choices.

One of the first steps is recognizing how our past experiences influence our present behavior. By bringing awareness to the coping mechanisms we've developed, we can begin to challenge their validity and explore alternative ways of coping. What healthy coping skills have helped you?

Instead of shutting down emotionally in times of conflict, we can learn to communicate our needs and boundaries assertively. Rather than seeking validation from others, we can find our worth and identity in Christ alone.

To avoid trauma-driven decisions, doing the following may help.

• Recognise your triggers – Knowing your triggers can help you avoid them or plan for them in the future. In turn, this can help you when you’re trying to make decisions. 

• Talk to someone – Trauma can make it challenging to open up to others, but you don’t have to discuss your trauma to secure help when it comes to making a decision. You can talk to me as a life coach who understands trauma about a decision that you want to make.

• Forgive yourself – If you have made a trauma-driven decision in the past that you deeply regret, know that you deserve to forgive yourself. Mistakes happen – it’s what you do moving forwards that counts.

• Keep a journal – A journal is a great space to scribble down your thoughts and feelings to help you process them and aid in your decision-making. If you’re faced with a decision, try writing down everything that comes to mind about it. Schedule time in three days to read your notes and make the decisions on your feelings then. 

• Give yourself time – When it comes to making significant decisions, give yourself plenty of time to think, feel, and process so that you can make the best choice. Even for small decisions, giving yourself time is a form of self-care. 
  

Conclusion

Our past trauma does not define us, but it does shape the lens through which we view the world. By acknowledging the impact of our experiences and leaning on our faith, we can begin to break free from destructive patterns and embrace a future filled with hope and healing.

As Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." May we surrender our past hurts to God and allow Him to guide us towards a future filled with love, joy, and peace.

Take time to learn more about having a life coach. You can schedule time at: linktr.ee/beingrestoredtojoy