The Misconceptions of Peacemaking: A Guide to Resolving Conflict (Trail Marker #56)

As a life coach who guides women to thrive after trauma, I often encounter misunderstandings about what it means to be a peacemaker. Many women believe that peacemaking means avoiding conflict or appeasing others at their own expense. These misconceptions can prevent genuine healing and growth. In this podcast, we'll explore the true essence of peacemaking and why resolving conflict is crucial for your spiritual and emotional well-being. In the next few weeks, we are going to focus on how to resolve conflict with special guests. Today let’s talk about some of the misconceptions that we have faced with conflict. 

Misconception 1: Avoiding Conflict is Peacemaking

Avoiding conflict might seem like the easy way out, but it's far from true peacemaking. When we avoid conflict, we allow unresolved issues to fester, leading to bitterness and resentment. Ephesians 4:26-27 reminds us, "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Addressing conflict promptly prevents the enemy from gaining a foothold in our relationships and hearts. Many churches that do not focus on the relationship with Christ often drive women to silence their voices to lower the “drama.” This is not scriptural. These churches often lead to women leaving the church and it affects their relationship with Christ. Your voice matters and I encourage you to speak up rather than avoiding conflict.

Misconception 2: Peacemaking Means Appeasing Others

Another common misconception is that peacemaking means giving in to keep others happy. This form of appeasement can lead to a loss of self-respect and authenticity. If you have experienced abuse, some women are groomed to make the perpetrator happy. This is a form of appeasing others. Resolving conflict does not mean that you are finding resolution with those abusers. It is about demanding respect, including the boundaries. Galatians 6:1 says, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted." Restoration and gentle confrontation are key components of peacemaking. Remember restoration does not mean that what they did was okay. 

Three Reasons to Resolve Conflict

1. Blocks Fellowship with God

1 John 4:20 teaches us, "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." Unresolved conflict hinders our relationship with God. When we hold onto anger or bitterness, it affects our spiritual life. Resolving conflict restores our fellowship with God and allows His love to flow freely through us. At a women’s retreat years ago, one of the exercises that the group did was to sit in a chair that represented God’s open arms. This allowed the women to be close to God. One woman exclaimed that she would never sit in this chair because she hated God. As each woman sat in the chair, their tears overflowed with the comfort of God. This woman finally cautiously stepped up to the chair and gently sat down. Her emotional breakdown displayed her trust in God. After that exercise, her demeanor for the rest of the retreat was true freedom. 

1. Blocks Prayer from Being Answered

In Mark 11:25, Jesus tells us, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Unforgiveness and unresolved conflict can block our prayers. By resolving conflicts and forgiving others, we remove barriers to our prayers being heard and answered by God. There are still areas that I need to resolve conflicts. As I pray to God, I hear the Holy Spirit reminding me of the areas I need to resolve. What prayers have you felt are being unanswered that might be because of conflict resolution?

1. Blocks Happiness

James 3:18 states, "Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." True happiness comes from living in peace and righteousness. Unresolved conflict steals our joy and peace, leading to a life of dissatisfaction and unrest. Joy is available to us. We need to choose to accept that joy, including resolving conflicts. 

Over the following weeks we will talk about seven steps to resolve conflict. I encourage you to subscribe to the channel which will notify you of the latest podcast. We will learn from testimonies of other women. One woman that I worked with was Kathy. She struggled with an unresolved conflict with her sister. Kathy avoided the issue for years, thinking it was the Christian thing to do. However, this avoidance only led to greater resentment and distance between them. 

Through our talks, Kathy learned the importance of addressing the conflict head-on. She prayed for wisdom and courage, then approached her sister with love and a desire to understand. The conversation wasn't easy, but it led to a breakthrough in their relationship. They were able to forgive each other and rebuild their bond. Kathy experienced a renewed sense of peace and joy, both in her relationship with her sister and her walk with God.

Another example of resolving conflict is my relationship with my extended family. When my father became a Christian in 1952, his family distanced themselves from him. In 2006, my father died and knew I need to let his siblings know. The call and later a visit with them we found that the distance between the family was based on miscommunication. My grandfather who proclaimed he was an atheist had told the sibling to have no contact with my father. As we sat and talked about my dad and the miscommunication, my aunts and uncles and cousins wept of the lost time with each other. The unresolved conflict had lead to bitterness and distance. I was overjoyed to know that they had watched my dad's testimony through prayer letters from the mission field. Many of them had become Christians spreading the love of God to others. The relationship that our family now has with my extended family is hard to put into words. Our lives are richer than we ever could imagine. Below is a picture of me with a couple of my wonderful cousins standing near our family plots.

What unresolved conflict is holding you back right now? Join me in the next few weeks to learn practical steps to resolve conflict. Let's walk this road to restoration and experience the joy God has for us.

To learn about how you can thrive after trauma. As a life coach, I guide you through the healing journey through one-on-one coaching sessions. Contact me for a FREE strategy session.