Trail Marker #2: Standing Stronger Together in the Midst of Trauma

This week I have been heartbroken with the mass shooting that happened In Nashville. Just a couple months ago there was also a shooting at Michigan State University which is not too far from me. These traumatic events wake us up to the fact that we are not in control.

We need to stand stronger together. We need to seek out safety for each one of us. I want to touch on today a little bit about what is trauma, what are some of the effects of trauma, things that we need to watch out for in our children to know how they are dealing with life, especially right now.

As we talk about trauma, I am also going to try to answer the question “Why do bad things happen to good people.” We will also talk a little bit about how we can create a safe community to watch over our children and ourselves.

My name is Joy LoPiccolo and I am a trauma survivor. I have spent over 20 years working with other trauma survivors. I am a certified life transformational coach. I offer inner healing prayer. I have over 15 years of teaching experience and I also help individuals with health and nutrition.

So what actually is trauma. Trauma is a an emotional response often lasting a long period of time. That emotional response often results from living through a distressing event. Experiencing a traumatic event can harm a person's sense of safety, it affects their sense of identity. Many individuals are not able to regulate their emotions or have healthy relationships. Even after the traumatic event occurs people with trauma can still feel shame, helplessness, feeling powerlessness, and fear. Those feelings can last for a long time after the traumatic event. Some of the studies that I was looking at were frightening to me. One stated that just in the United States alone, 87% of the population have experienced one or more traumatic events. In relation to mass shootings the statistics show they have increased by 30% since 2020. When we think about the trauma of sexual abuse; one out of three women and one out of five men have been sexually abused or experienced a sexual assault. You are not alone.

Trauma is not just something experienced in the military. There are different types of trauma. They can be broken down into two lists. Type One are events that happen suddenly and often only one time. Type Two are events that are complex, happening more than once. Many traumatic events experienced as children are considered Type Two. There are many of the traumas that are listed that I have experienced or worked with those who have. Here are some of those types of trauma.

Type One:

•Severe illness or injury

•Violent assault

•Sexual assault

•Traumatic loss

•Mugging or robbery

•Being a victim of or witness to violence (mass shooting)

•Witnessing a terrorist attack

•Witnessing a natural disaster

•Road accident

•Military combat incident

•Hospitalization

•Childbirth

•Medical trauma

•Post suicide attempt trauma

•Life threatening illness or diagnosis

Type Two:

•Sibling abuse

•Childhood emotional abuse

•Domestic violence

•Emotional neglect and attachment trauma

•Abandonment

•Verbal abuse

•Long term misdiagnosis of a health problem

•Bullying at home at school or in a work setting

•Sexual abuse

•Emotional abuse

•Physical neglect

•Overly strict upbringing sometimes religious

Other types of trauma:

•Racism

•Slavery

•Forcible removal from a family or community (which could be when a parent has been incarcerated and the child is moved into a foster home)

•Genocide

•War

•Loss of a loved one

•Moving to a new house

Going through a divorce

•Losing a job or business

The types of traumas that you have experienced may not be one that I listed but I want you to know that in this life we will have trials and tribulations. There is hope. God promises in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” He is the judge and jury who is our strong foundation.

Let’s talk about what the effects of trauma are. The effects are not only physically but mentally and spiritually. Every person is affected by trauma in a different way. One individual may not have any effects but another person who experienced the same trauma could have life alternating effects. Here is a chart that outlines some of the effects which include avoidance, reexperiencing the event, hyperarousal, and physical ailments.

With avoidance, many survivors want to silence their feelings. They will live in isolation often leading to depression. Part of avoidance could also lead to suicidal Tendencies, addictive behaviors (drugs, alcohol, pornography, or food). Self-harm is common as they try to cope with the overwhelming feelings.

Survivors of trauma may not be able to function. They have a hard time making decisions. Their relationships are often not healthy. Our brain is wired to reexperience the traumatic event often to create safety. We may have flashbacks. We are an alert to either fight or flight. I believe that with my traumas my body was in constant alert with panic. Physically my nerves, muscles and adrenal function were affected.

Hyperarousal is another effect. Individuals are easily startled, we deal with lack of sleep and sometimes panic attacks. Our physical health is affected in every area of the body. A book that has been helpful is, “Our Body Keeps Score,” which is written by Bessel van der Kolk. When we're thinking about our children some of the signs to watch out for include: digestion, poor sleep, headaches. They may have difficulty making decisions, become fidgety; weight issues may vary from eating a great deal versus not eating at all. These are signs that are also seen in adults. I believe that with my traumas my body was in constant alert with panic. Physically my nerves, muscles and adrenal function were affected.

Now let's get to the hard question, “Why do bad things happen to good people.” This question has been asked over and over again. It is a difficult one to answer, one that I asked myself over my lifetime. Lysa TerKeurst wrote a book, “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way.” The example she uses to answer this question is that we are living between two gardens. God created the Garden of Eden where everything that was needed was provided. God gave them fruit from every tree but they were not eat from the Tree of Knowledge. Adam and Eve made the choice to disobey God, turning their back on God. The result was they no longer live in that perfect environment. We are now in that life between two gardens - Heaven. The life we are living right now is not what God designed. He does not want us to experience health problems, natural disasters, mass shootings. He is with us through the trials and tribulations.

Living the horror of trauma we know that we can not do life alone. We need a savior. God sent His only Son to earth to live with some of the same traumas. As a man, he experienced betrayal, fatigue, traumatic loss, and finally death. He died for you and me. His resurrection is proof that He is our Savior. Have you reached out to Christ to ask Him to be your Savior? You can learn how to have that relationship simply by asking Him. How to Know Jesus

Freedom of choice started in the Garden of Eden and is still offered by God. Some of the traumas that we experience is because of the choices others have made. For example, my sexual abuse that happened as a child, the perpetrator made a choice to be violent. His choice changed my life in a profound way. It reminds me of the story of Joseph. His brother’s sold him into slavery at a young age. Because of their choice Joseph suffered being in prison, poverty, betrayal. God watched over him where we then lived in abundance. When his brother’s came to him for help, Joseph reassured them that “What Satan meant for evil, God had made for good.” (Genesis 50:20). No matter what trauma, trial or tribulation you have experienced, God is making it for good. Your trauma will become your testimony to help others.

“Every difficulty you face, in every waiting place, you are being given a chance to trust in the things unseen and to be abundantly blessed.”

- Cherie Hill, Waiting on God

We may not know the reason why bad things have happened to us but trusting God leads us to live an abundant life. We need to stand together to create a safer community. It is never too early to talk to your children about bad touch versus good touch. Protect your children by removing any chances for trauma. If you are watching the news and your child walks in, it could lead to mental anguish. It is important to make the right decisions on what you are watching, what they are watching, video games and the people they are around.

Gun safety needs to be addressed. Even with my CPL, I need to be trained as to gun safety and be sure to place any weapons where they can not be reached by a child. Be sure to keep any of your weapons in a safe place. There are special lock boxes that can be accessed through a code. To grow from our experience we need to:

• Acknowledge the Trauma: We can not continue to live in denial. As we learned through this last shooting, trauma affects every race, socio-economic status, gender. Children are affected not only in public schools but in private Christian schools.
  

• Feel the Feelings: If you went through any of the types listed, you need to process the feelings that you have. Journaling, writing music, doing artwork, and exercise help that process.
  

• Practice Self-Care: You are valued, chosen, God’s design. Even taking a shower, remembering your medication, Supplement Nutrition
  

• Live on Purpose: God reminds us in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” We can't change the type of trauma that we went through but we can learn from it and move forward with what we've learned. Each day when you place your feet on the floor remind yourself that you do have a purpose. Start taking one step at a time towards your dreams. Remember we are walking the road to restoration and freedom.
  

• Ask for Help: Seeking professional help is vital especially with many of the traumas we have talked about. Hotlines are available for children, teens and adults. As a life coach, I also provide one-on-one coaching specializing in trauma. Standing Firm in the Midst of the Storm offers you four weeks of coaching, weekly assignments and motivational recordings. Living on Purpose includes twelve weeks of intense coaching, homework and motivation. I am also available to provide Inner Healing Prayer.

God gives beauty for ashes. Trust in Him as we embrace the joy He has for us. Every day let us continue to walk this Road to Restoration.

Hotlines:

Child Abuse: 800-252-2873

Domestic Violence: 800-603-4357

Sexual Assault (RAINN): 800-656-4673

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255