Trail Marker #23 Can You Find Joy After Trauma

The topic that we're going to talk about today is there joy after trauma? There are many different types of trauma, for example: abuse, a loss of a loved one, betrayal, and other types. Many individuals who have experienced trauma, including myself for example, become numb, disassociate, we live in fear, and we're not living a happy life. Sometimes we're frozen, isolated from others to protect our safety. For me, that led me to feeling less engaged with those around me. I noticed that I had less interest in work and in school. I just felt like I was existing. A sound would go off and I would jump. I was just living in fear.

There was no sense of joy. I was fearful of entering into any type of deep relationship with family, or friends, or dating, because I was afraid that was going to bring me more hurt in my life. I also noticed that I was more irritated with others. Not only with others, but I was more irritated with myself, with failures. I had very high expectations of myself. I also noticed that I had a sense of anger pretty much all the time. Maybe that's something that you have dealt with as well,

As I was walking through life, I kind of realized that I had an Eyeore mentality. Eyeore, from Winnie the Pooh, And some of you know Eyeore, he was very depressed, always looking for the negative. This is actually common with people who have experienced trauma, especially if you have experienced multiple types of trauma which is complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). One of the books that I have learned a great deal from over the years is called “The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma,” written by Bessel Van Der Kolk. He is quoted as saying, “Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: the past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is playing out inside. They learn to hide from themselves.”

When you are going through trauma, you can focus on the negatives and not feel the joy. There are studies that show it is possible to rewire the brain. You're able to start healing. It is a choice. Our mindset can be changed from living as a victim to being a warrior. You can rewire your brain. Peter Levine, an expert in Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, says “Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence”.

Over the years, I have had counseling, additional education and certifications to heal the trauma I have experienced. With that help I have been able to rewire my brain where I notice the positives in life and building a future. I still have days where I struggle and life brings rough times but I choose joy.

To choose joy, there are several things that you can do.

1. Embrace your emotions - Instead of being numb or living in denial, Feel the anger, fear, doubt, guilt, and loss, no matter the hurt. No feelings are wrong.

2. Notice the present - that allows you to lessen the spiral of negative thoughts. In Matthew 6:34 it says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Each day has enough trouble of its own. We know that there is going to be heartache. It is going to hurt when you're dealing with people and you're having relationships with people. There's going to be discomfort, but that doesn't mean walking in fear. It means keeping yourself with boundaries.

3. Rewrite your story - Your story does not have to be with an ending that is not positive. God has a story written for you. This particular time of your life is just one chapter. It is not your entire story. I like the fact that Lysa TerKeurst, says in her book “It's Not Supposed To Be This Way” make sure that Satan doesn't get the pen to write your story. Make sure the pen stays in God's hands.

4. Stick to a routine - Rather than isolating, experiencing depression, focus on your future dreams and goals. How do you want to improve your health? What changes do you want to make with your relationships? Are you in the career you find fulfilling? Start living the life you deserve.

5. Be creative - find something you can do for fun. For years I enjoyed hiking. Taking time to walk the trails helped me to process the trauma. When you focus on creativity, you are using the right side of your brain which lessens the thought process that operates on the left side of the brain.

6. Practice self-care - You deserve compassion and respect. You are valuable. What things have you used to take care of yourself? Schedule time for a massage, do your nails, read a book.

7. Be patient with yourself. This healing journey is a process. We choose how the trauma affects our life. Continue to focus on the goals you have set and move forward.

8. Seek support - I also encourage you to seek support. We cannot live in life alone. We need to be in a relationship where we can receive that support, especially from someone who understands. This moves you out of denial into truth. As a trauma coach, one of the things that I love to do is to help people process those feelings, come up with boundaries, create a sense of safety and figure out what that trauma actually was, how it affected you, and then work with you to create joy in your life, create dreams, create safety. Reach out to find out having a life coach can help you. I offer a free 30 minute consultation where you can learn more .

Remember that you were born with joy. When you look at a baby laughing, it is proof that you have joy inside you. When trauma happens, we often forget that that joy actually exists in us. No matter the adversity, you deserve to be happy. Mark Twain says, “The healthiest response to life is joy and we want to have a healthy life.” Romans 121:2 says, “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.”

Embrace the joy that is around you. Start to heal from the trauma so you can walk the road to restoration.