Trail Marker #24 Developing Trust After Trauma

Many of us have experienced trauma have trust issues. Often we don't know what a safe authority figure looks like. We are constantly seeking safety and security but with trepidation. When we start developing a closer relationship as trauma survivors we are triggered and feel in danger wondering it they might hurt you.

For me, there were authority figures when I was a child that used their position to hurt others. This can happen in churches, neighbors, school system or a family member. Perhaps like me I create an armor to block others thinking this would protect me. What happened is that armor actually blocked out compassion, friendship and left me lonely.

The first step that we need to do is to trust ourselves. We need to evaluate the person and their actions but realize that they are not the person that hurt you. Develop those relationships based on the present circumstances not based on the past. You deserve to allow people in. We do need to learn how to set boundaries to keep ourselves safe. Through life coaching, this is one area that I help with.

One thing that I have learned over the years is that it is okay to be yourself. It is okay to make mistakes but it is not worth the time it takes to pretend to be something you are not. Trust is not built over night. Start small with learning to trust your therapist or life coach. Their purpose is to help you heal. Relationships vary and some you only want to connect at a small level and other people earn the right for a deeper connection.

It is also important to start trusting ourselves. There have been multiple times that I did not trust myself in a relationship. This led to me making decisions that were not wise. I was seeking safety and hoping that they were not like the people that hurt me. That drive for protection clouded my vision to recognize that they were not safe people.

The first thing I would recommend is start trusting yourself. It is okay to be you. You don't have to spend time pretending anymore or holding up that armor. Gloria Meir says, "Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement."

Be kind to yourself. We are going to make mistakes but that does not mean that we are a mistake. Listen to the thoughts you are thinking. Often times we are critical of ourselves. We say hurtful things to ourselves that we would never tell someone else.

Always remember to spend time on you. You deserve to be loved. Spending time with God is important as He is the best source of love. Psalm 32:10 reminds us. "Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in Him." Take time in prayer, worship and scripture to learn that you are safe in His arms. Your identity in Christ is one who deserves to be safe and protected.

Another way to build that trust in yourself is to take care of your physical, mental and spiritual needs. Staying hydrated, eating regular meals that are not processed, having a regular sleep routine, all of these are important. Maybe this month you make an appointment to get your nails done or treat yourself to a massage.

No matter what hurt that authority figure did to you as a child you are now an adult and can stand up for yourself. Use your voice. This has been helpful to learn as well because of my health issues I needed to develop trust in the medical community. I learned what signs to watch for to find someone that I could trust and tell them what they need to do to care for me.

It is my hope that you will let others in. Accept their love and friendships. Take the time to reach out for a FREE discovery call to learn how coaching can help you set relationship goals, develop boundaries, recognize your true identity in Christ and so much more.

As we walk this road to restoration, we can walk the journey trusting that God is directing our path.