Trail Marker #3: Holy Week Feeling Grief and Loss

As we honor this Holy Week, I began to think about how the followers of Jesus felt as they watched their friend being tortured and ultimately be put to death. When you look at the Gospels, you see how the followers of Jesus reacted to this traumatic event. For example, the disciples ran in fear. They literally locked themselves in the upper room. They were afraid for their lives because the Sanhedrin were going through the country capturing those who were followers of Christ so they ran because they were afraid of being captured. Think about the fact that they also ran because of their guilt. You see during that Holy Week, especially on that Friday, each one made decisions not to stand up for their friend. Many of you know that Peter denied Christ three times. That feeling of guilt added to the grief and loss of their friend.

I think about when I was sexually assaulted and how I did not speak up about what had happened to me. Because of staying silent that perpetrator continued to abuse. That guilt over what I did not do I have forgiven myself for.

Now when we look at the other followers of Jesus. Mary Magdalene did not run but stood in the midst of opposition. Several disciples in the Gospels wrote down what they saw with Mary at the crucifixion. John describes the scene in John 19:25-30:

“Meanwhile, standing near the cross of Jesus were his mother, and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing beside her, he said to his mother, "Woman, here is your son." Then he said to the disciple, "Here is your mother." And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home. After this, when Jesus knew that all was now finished, he said (in order to fulfill the scripture), "I am thirsty." A jar full of sour wine was standing there. So they put a sponge full of the wine on a branch of hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the wine, he said, "It is finished." Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.” (John 19:25-30 NIV)

People who attended crucifixions at that time, as per Roman tradition, came to mock the criminal. Part of the punishment was public embarrassment. Many threw stones, spitting, cursing; not standing next to the criminal. Yet Mary stood near her Lord.

Let me ask you a question. What types of grief have you experienced? maybe you have also lost a loved one. Have you had a relationship that has ended? Have you received a long-term health diagnosis? Recently a family member had a death of a child. The grief and loss that the parents are experiencing and their children has been profound. Maybe you've experienced a loss of a job or a loss of a pet. Each one of us has experienced grief. How have you chosen to act or react? have you chosen to run or have you chosen to stand and face those particular feelings?

No matter what decision that you have made or are making with that grief and loss; please know that God is a God of comfort, Matthew 5:4 Jesus says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

We need to feel the feelings. Don't do life alone. Talk to someone. The first person to talk to is Christ. In Romans 8:26 it says, “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through our groaning.” Going to Jesus is the first thing we should do before we decide to write something on Facebook. Each one of us has experienced grief but each one of us has a different way of processing that grief and loss. Please do not compare yourself with another person as you walk through your healing journey.

When I look back on the life of my father, one of the things that stands out is he loved football. If the Dallas Cowboys were playing on a Sunday, I would often rush through his sermon to make sure he did not miss the game. Watching football with him is a special memory. The year of his passing I was hesitant to watch the game between University of Michigan and the Michigan State University team. I decided to watch the game. Throughout the game I would cry out, “Dad did you see that touchdown!” It felt like I was actually watching the game with him even though he was not physically there. What ways can you celebrate the memories of your loved one?

Oftentimes we can carry guilt like the disciples. Are you holding blame that you did recognize the health decline that ultimately led to your loved one dying? Perhaps you have guilt for not being the person that you needed to be in a relationship which led to the breakdown of that relationship. I encourage you to forgive yourself for your reaction. The disciples did forgive themselves. They saw the victory of the resurrection and went forward to share the gospel message and the power of that Resurrection. What will you do once you have forgiven yourself?

I spoke of my father's passing. When he was going through hospice, sitting at his bedside I prayed for God to take him home. His pain was severe I knew that he was ready to go. He knew where he was going was to be with Lord and Savior in Heaven. For many years, I would feel guilt for being relieved of his passing. I have taken the time to forgive myself for those feelings.

When we've gone through grief and loss, one step we can take in healing is to reach out to others. We are able to understand the grief and loss in another person's life. II Corinthians 1:3- 4 Paul states, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. The Father of compassion and the God of All Comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any troubles with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” Another way you process grief and loss is to write a letter either write a letter to the person who is deceased or write a letter processing the feelings that you have about other losses you have experienced. Journaling what you have learned through those experiences reminds us that this is a dark chapter in your life but it is not your whole story.

The day after the Sabbath, Mary rose early to gather spices for properly preparing the body of her friend. (Matthew 27:55-28:1 NIV) When she realizes the stone has been moved, she runs to look for her Lord. I have been trying to picture her at that moment. Her eyes focused forward; belongings dropped to her feet; people around her in the shadows; clothes flapping against her as her sandals pounded down on the dusty path. Yes, she experienced that dark chapter of the passing of her friend but she knew He promised resurrection. During her run, feelings of JOY that the promise Christ had risen could be true still fought in her mind with fear that his body was really stolen.

Let’s rejoice together for His resurrection. We do not have to grieve His death for He Is Risen…Risen Indeed. As the song “Champion” by Carmen, Christ is the Champion.