Trail Marker #40 Navigating Intimacy After Sexual Abuse

In the journey of healing from sexual abuse, the road to intimacy can be teeming with complexities and challenges. For us as survivors, the scars of past trauma often cast long shadows over their ability to engage in healthy relationships, especially within the context of marriage and other relationships. Today let's explore the profound impact of sexual abuse on intimacy and how survivors can find healing and restoration.

The aftermath of sexual abuse can leave survivors feeling shattered and fragmented, our sense of self-worth and trust are profoundly shaken. Within the bond of marriage, the wounds of past abuse can manifest as barriers to intimacy, hindering the ability to fully connect with a spouse. Survivors may struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, and fear, fearing that their past experiences will tarnish their relationships or that they will be rejected if they reveal their pain. With the relationships I have had, I often detached where I felt like I was watching the sex rather than feeling the act. My mind was triggered as it replayed the sexual abuse that I had experienced. After the intimacy, I felt shame and often pushed the person away emotionally and physically. Through healing I begin to hold dear the verse of Philippians 4:6-7.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Even in relationships outside of marriage, we as survivors of sexual abuse still will be full of various emotions and challenges. Trust, which is essential to any relationship, may be unreachable as we navigate feelings of vulnerability and betrayal. The presence of being with a man may trigger memories of past trauma, leading to avoidance or withdrawal as a means of self-protection. These dynamics can strain friendships and hinder the ability to cultivate meaningful connections with other men. Working with male counterparts I still felt fear. I made sure that I was left alone with them to work on any projects. Even being in a meeting in a conference room with glass walls still did offer me the protection I felt I needed in case these men chose to hurt me. 

The journey toward healing and restoration begins with acknowledging the pain and trauma of past experiences. I encourage you to remind yourself of your worth. You are no longer the person abused. You have learned the skills needed to protect yourself and you are not defined by the abuse you have endured. You are a beloved children of God, fearfully and wonderfully made, with inherent dignity and value. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that we are a new creation. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"

We as survivors of sexual abuse can benefit from practical strategies for encouraging intimacy in marriage and having any relationship with men. These strategies may include honest communication, setting healthy boundaries, and seeking professional therapy or counseling to address specific challenges and concerns. One of the counselors that helped me on my healing journey walked me through a book called “Wounded Heart” by Dan Allender. The man I was engaged with also came to the appointments while he was reading the book so that he could understand the mental, emotional and spiritual healing that was happening in my life. His openness to learning was crucial as we built physical intimacy in our marriage. We were open to communicating as we came up with other strategies. 

Prayer and seeking spiritual guidance are vital components of the healing journey. Through prayer, we can find comfort and strength as we learn the presence of a loving and compassionate God who offers strength and hope. A trusted life coach, counselors whose specialty is working with trauma survivors can provide invaluable support and guidance as we navigate the healing. God hears your cry as you process the trauma you have experienced.

Above all, we must remember that we are not defined by our past experiences. Our faith is an anchor that we can use as our compass. We can walk this road to restoration by reclaiming our sense of self-worth and discovering the beauty of intimacy within the safe harbor of God's grace. Hold the truth found in Isaiah 43:18-19. "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Begin working with a life coach through one-on-one coaching programs to process that trauma. As a certified life coach, I will guide you to live the life that you deserve. Learn more at: https://joyembracejoycoach.wixsite.com/welcome