Trail Marker 6 - Being Comfortable in the Uncomfortable

Have you ever had someone tell you to be comfortable with the uncomfortable? As trauma survivors, most of us have never known safety which means we don't have a comfort zone. We can be stuck in either fight or flight mode. Perhaps like myself you have used coping skills throughout your life to feel safe. Even with different coping skills that doesn't mean you know what comfort is.

Today I want to talk about what comfort is so that we can step towards growth even in the midst of discomfort. This has been a hard subject for me in the past. When my son was very young, I had strict rules for almost everything. I was full of anxiety that he would be hurt in some way. I certainly did not want him to have to face what I had faced as a young child. If I could have placed him in a bubble, I would have. As a mom, I had to let go knowing that God was in control not me. He had to learn how to deal with the discomfort around him.

If you were raised in an unstable environment, it is possible you have never felt comfortable. So what is comfort? Merriman-Webster defines comfort as a feeling of relief or encouragement. When you feel comfortable you are strengthened. Discomfort is when you feel uneasy either mentally or physically. With discomfort you may be undergoing hardship or pain.

It is important to work on learning what being safe is and creating a comfort zone. What coping skills have you used in the past to help you feel safe? Having coping skills is necessary in trauma situations. Working with a coach or counselor can help you learn healthy coping skills to create that comfort zone. One method that has been helpful for myself and others is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy). This type of therapy focuses on changing the emotions, thoughts and behaviors that are a result from trauma. It allows your brain to heal naturally. Through various sessions with an EMDR therapist, I have been able to process and heal from many trauma experiences. Another therapy that individuals have seen results in is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). This technique of tapping the body like acupuncture points creates a balance in your energy system.

If you stay living in the discomfort, you can feel stuck. The lack of control leads to anxiety. Sometimes trauma survivors can develop a sense of entitlement. "I deserve to not be hurt anymore because I was hurt for so long." This is a thought that I had for a long time. We all are going to face discomfort. We live in a fallen world. When the storms come, we have a choice as to how we are going handle the discomfort. I learned many years ago about how cows and buffalo deal with storms. Cows see a storm and run away from the pain. The storm continues behind them. It is common that the cows will die from exhaustion because they can not outrun the storm. Buffalo though see a storm and they run into it. Yes, they face the discomfort but only for a short amount of time as the storm passes over them. Our choice is are we going to run away from the storm or run into it. I would much rather be the buffalo knowing that there is peace on the other side of the storm.

Here are a few ways that you can start being comfortable with the uncomfortable.

1. Make a choice to face the discomfort. You can do this by implementing breathing methods. When my son was really little he would get anxious quite often. I taught him how to breath deeply by asking him to watch his belly and make it rise and then exhale slowly to make his belly go down. When I saw him getting tense or angry, I would tell him to stop and make his belly rise. In addition to breathing methods, starting a journal to write down any negative beliefs will help alleviate some of the discomfort. Start slow. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable is not going to happen immediately.

2. Celebrate your progress. Each time that you are able to step forward despite the fear is one step closer to comfort. Write down your feelings of anxeity and stress. This will help you release the pressure you are holding in your body.

3. Don't give up. Be a buffalo. Instead of asking the question, "Why is this happening to me," start asking "What can I learn from this."

4. Remember failure is ok. Thomas Jefferson is quoted saying, “I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work.”

5. Don't do life alone. We are reminded in Isaiah 41:10 that God is with us. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10 ESV) Be sure to reach out to others who are trustworthy.

When I think about being comfortable with the uncomfortable, I am reminded of the Serenity Prayer. I will be honest that there are many parts of it I don't like. Yes I would like life to be easy, where there is no hurt but that is not life here on earth. In Matthew 6:34, Christ says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." He is in control of every situation.

As we close this discussion on comfort, I hope that you have learned a few ways that you can be safe by creating a comfort zone. Each day I encourage you to read the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;

taking, as Jesus did,

this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

trusting that You will make all things right

if I surrender to Your will;

so that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.