When Christmas is Hard: Finding Hope Through Pain

Christmas is often portrayed as a season of joy, family, and celebration. But for many, the holidays amplify the pain of loss, the weight of trials, and the ache of brokenness. Whether it’s the empty seat at the table, the strain of financial difficulties, or the silent struggle of mental health, the season can feel more like a reminder of what’s missing than a time of rejoicing.

If this resonates with you, you are not alone. Scripture reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”  (Psalm 34:18). This verse holds a promise for those who feel overwhelmed: God sees your pain, He draws near in your suffering, and He offers hope even in the darkest times.

A Season of Mixed Emotions

While the world glows with twinkling lights and the sounds of carols fill the air, your heart might feel heavy. The contrast can be jarring. Some of the most common sources of Christmas pain include:

• Loss of a Loved One: Grieving during the holidays is uniquely painful. The absence of a loved one can turn Christmas traditions into painful reminders. My dad loved Christmas. The first year was especially difficult celebrating without him. When a carol would come on, it was like a stab to my heart. But then I would remember him dancing through the house singing the Christmas carol which helped ease the loss.

• Divorce or Broken Relationships: Family gatherings might feel fractured or nonexistent when relationships are strained or severed. After my divorce, I no longer had family nearby to spend the holidays with. It was easy to be consumed with loneliness. I had to find ways not to isolate myself. 

• Financial Struggles: The pressure to give, travel, or keep up with societal expectations can create anxiety when resources are scarce. 

• Illness or Chronic Pain: Facing physical challenges during a season of busyness and celebration can feel daunting not being able to participate in the holiday events.

• Past Trauma or Abuse: Holidays can trigger memories of painful experiences, especially if family gatherings are a source of tension or fear.

• Loneliness: For those who lack close connections, the season's emphasis on togetherness can deepen feelings of isolation.

Each of these challenges presents a unique battle, yet they all have one thing in common: they remind us of our need for God’s presence and comfort.

A Story of Hope Amidst Pain

Let me share the story of Emily. For years, Christmas had been her favorite holiday. She loved decorating the tree, baking cookies with her children, and singing carols at church. But one year, everything changed. Emily lost her husband in a sudden accident just months before Christmas. As the holiday approached, she felt paralyzed by grief.

The traditions that once brought joy now felt like a mockery of her pain. She couldn’t imagine celebrating without him. On Christmas Eve, as Emily sat alone by the tree, she opened her Bible and read Psalm 34:18. The words felt like they were written for her: “The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:5-7

That night, she poured out her heart to God, telling Him how angry, hurt, and lost she felt. In the stillness, she sensed His presence. It wasn’t a dramatic moment, but a quiet assurance that she wasn’t alone. Slowly, Emily began to see glimpses of hope.

The following Christmas, Emily started a new tradition. She lit a candle in memory of her husband and invited her children to share stories about him. While the ache of loss remained, it was accompanied by gratitude for God’s faithfulness and the love that surrounded her.

Biblical Encouragement for Hard Seasons

The Bible is filled with stories of people who encountered God in their pain. Joseph faced betrayal and imprisonment before stepping into his purpose. Naomi mourned the loss of her husband and sons before experiencing restoration through Ruth. Even Jesus Himself endured rejection, suffering, and death to bring hope to humanity.

Psalm 34:18 is a reminder that God doesn’t turn away from our suffering; He steps into it with us. His presence is our source of comfort, even when circumstances don’t change immediately.

Here are three truths to hold onto:

1. God is Close: When you feel alone, remember that God draws near to the brokenhearted. His love isn’t dependent on your circumstances or feelings.

2. God is a Healer: While wounds take time to heal, God offers peace that surpasses understanding. He gently restores and strengthens you.

3. God Redeems Pain: Your suffering is not wasted. God can bring beauty from ashes, even if it’s hard to see right now.

Practical Ways to Find Hope

When Christmas feels heavy, it’s important to intentionally seek moments of hope and healing. Here are some practical steps to navigate this season:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to admit that this Christmas is hard. Ignoring your emotions won’t make them disappear. Allow yourself to grieve, cry, or lament.

2. Create New Traditions: If old traditions feel too painful, consider starting something new. It could be as simple as taking a walk, volunteering, or journaling your prayers.

3. Lean on Your Community: Don’t isolate yourself. Share your struggles with trusted friends, family, or a support group. Sometimes, simply being heard is a healing balm.

4. Focus on the True Meaning: Strip away the commercialized aspects of Christmas and meditate on the birth of Jesus. His arrival brought hope to a weary world—a hope that remains constant today.

5. Practice Gratitude: Even in the midst of pain, there are small blessings to be thankful for. Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your perspective.

6. Seek Professional Help: If your pain feels overwhelming, consider reaching out to a counselor, therapist, or pastor. There’s no shame in asking for help.

Real-Life Examples of Overcoming Trauma

Trauma comes in many forms, and its impact on Christmas celebrations varies. Here are a few examples to inspire hope:

• Survivor of Abuse: Maria grew up in a home where Christmas was filled with conflict and fear. As an adult, she struggled to create her own traditions. Through counseling and prayer, Maria learned to reclaim the season, focusing on God’s love rather than her painful past.

• Job Loss: After being laid off just weeks before Christmas, Danielle felt like a failure. She couldn’t afford gifts for her children and worried about the future. A friend invited her to a Christmas Eve service, where Danielle found encouragement in the message of God’s provision. That experience gave her the strength to trust God with her next steps.

• Health Struggles: Sharon spent Christmas in the hospital after a cancer diagnosis. Though it wasn’t the holiday she had envisioned, the kindness of nurses and visits from her church family reminded her of God’s care.

Each of these individuals faced unique challenges, yet they found hope by leaning into God’s promises and the support of others.

A Call to Embrace the Light

When Christmas is hard, the temptation is to shut down or numb the pain. But what if, instead, you allowed the season to point you toward the One who understands your suffering? Jesus came into a broken world not to condemn it but to redeem it. His birth, life, death, and resurrection are proof that pain doesn’t have the final word.

If this Christmas feels overwhelming, I encourage you to meditate on Psalm 34:18 and let it sink deep into your heart. Reflect on the ways God has been present in your life, even in small ways. Reach out to someone who can walk alongside you in this season. And most importantly, cling to the hope that Jesus offers—a hope that shines brightest in the darkness.

As you navigate the challenges of this season, may you find moments of peace, joy, and comfort in the arms of your Savior.

Final Reflection

Christmas isn’t always picture-perfect, and that’s okay. The first Christmas wasn’t either—Jesus was born in a stable, into a world that desperately needed saving. His humble arrival reminds us that God works through imperfect circumstances.

No matter what you’re facing this Christmas, you don’t have to carry it alone. God is near, and His love is unchanging. May His presence be your anchor and His promises your guide as you find hope through the pain. Reach out to start one-on-one coaching beginning your journey towards healing from trauma and a life of freedom.